Day: August 30, 2011

Science & Technology

Now introducing the Apple iPlank. It’s phenomenal to behold.

A woman in Spartanburg, SC, purchased the above thinking it was a real iPad. The block of wood with crude, Apple-esque features came at a price of $180 dollar and was given to her in a FedEx box. Obviously, upon opening the box and trying to plug it in, she realized it was probably not […]

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News

German Chancellor Angela Merkel called ‘Most Powerful Woman’ for 2011.

The ‘undisputed’ leader of the EU, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, has been named by Forbes as the most powerful woman in the world. US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton came in second, with Sarah Palin, a Facebook employee and a Twitter founder also making the list. After reviewing the last few, I really would like […]

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News

Giant Gambian Rat killed in Bed-Stuy NYC.

A gigantic rat believed to have formerly been a pet met its end in Brooklyn at the point of a pitchfork. In a picture sure to thrill PETA, a local resident holds up the carcass of the slain rodent who more resembles a stuck cat than it does a rat. Bed-Stuy has been plagued by […]

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News

18 lbs., 75 year old Lobster delivered to Coney Island, NY.

Wow. An 18 pound lobster was delivered to Coney Island for use as an exhibition piece after the lucky guy escaped death by boiling and garlic butter because no pot could be found within which to cook him. Now he will be a part of Coney Island’s menagerie, which is a somewhat more desirable fate […]

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News

Japan selects former finance minister as new Prime Minister.

Yoshihiko Noda will be the 6th Prime Minister of Japan elected in the past five years. He comes as Naoto Kan’s replacement, fulfilling Kan’s promise to step down as soon as the tsunami and its attendant crises had been sufficiently allayed. Like Kan, Yoshihiko Noda is from the Democratic Party of Japan, the first political […]

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News

New IMF chief Christine LaGarde advocates capital injections for European banks.

IMF Chief Christine LaGarde, replacement for Dominique Strauss Kahn (who seemed to be busier chasing tail than focusing on his job), has advocated for a capital injection into European banks and states that ‘decoupling’ EU states from the monetary union is a myth. She has argued for capital injections into European banks, solutions to the […]

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News

Redistribute GPA’s to lesser students, turd-monger rightist advocates in apparent and apathetic apology.

Oh this guy probably thought he was so cute when he began advocating redistribution of GPA averages from higher grade earners to lower grade earners in order to test leftist students’ dedication to wealth redistribution. He was shocked to learn that, even though students earned their grades, they were apparently loathe to redistribute grade points […]

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